For Ronovan’s BeWoW post this week, he has suggested the rather thought-provoking topic of regrets, and how we deal with them.
Well, God knows where to start with this one, as I have spent the larger part of my life fretting over things I have done, mistakes that I have made and how I have regretted my actions. In fact, it wasn’t until last year, when I had been going to Counselling for a while that I even realised quite how bad it had become.
I have always been a people pleaser and hate it when I think I have upset or offended someone. It reached quite a crescendo last year when I was having trouble sleeping at night. I would be re-running conversations in my head that I had been involved in during the day, then would criticize myself for the stupid or cringeworthy things I had said, thus making me stay awake fretting about how people must think I am stupid.
I would also look back over my life and wish that I had done something differently; too many marriages, too much drinking (when I was younger), not watching my weight (or rather, watching it get heavier and heavier), smoking (I gave up after 30 years last October) and really not bothering in school (I hated it, so did not study properly).
However, as far as regrets over my lifestyle choices went, I have tried to put right the wrongs of the past, and hope that my body is forgiving. Educationally, I did go back to it and gain a few more qualifications that I am proud to have achieved. The marriages, well, I went into all of them willingly, and thought each one was going to last forever, but life had its own agenda for me! I did have my gorgeous daughter with my 2nd husband so how can that ever be something that I regret?!
Lastly, the incessant late night berating sessions, these have got much less now. My counsellor explained that I should stop living in the past (regurgitating conversations etc), as that was finished and cannot be changed, and to start living in the present. I had never really thought of it like that before, but that is so true.
I do still get mad at myself when I have been a prat and said something silly, but I try to convince myself to get over it, and move on!