Episode 479: Tuesday Tidbit. Seven Embarrassing Sexual Fails! (18+)

Sex is fraught with the potential for embarrassment, and a good sense of humour very often ‘comes in handy’  (if you’ll pardon the pun) to deal with some of the most common cringeworthy moments that most of us have encountered at some stage in our sexual shenanigans!

  1. Things are heating up, the pace is getting faster, and more passionate, then…. PARPPPPP. Oh No, someone has let one off! You both freeze as the horror of the moment sinks in; hopefully things will resume pretty quickly afterwards and the mood is not lost!
  2. Ready for a bit of bedroom action, everything is going well….kissing and touching,  breathing is getting heavier, your body is responding to the sensuous caresses but something is not quite right. You have noticed that your partner has backed off just  a little. You are getting to the point now where touching is not enough, and as you reach for him, you realise that he is not quite ‘ready’. This is a bit of a tricky situation. You could try other things to ‘perk things up’  but sometimes it is just ‘flogging a dead horse’, or you could sulk, turn your back and seethe! The other option of course, is to just snuggle up together and reassure that it doesn’t matter.
  3. If you have quite sensitive skin on your face, this one could be a problem. After a long, long night of hot and heavy action, and hours of passionate kissing, you might wake up in the morning with what looks like friction burns on your chin! I have actually had this happen to me and have had to think up some pretty (lame) excuse at work the next day as to how I got ‘that awful burn’ on my chin.
  4. Waking up the next morning only to find there is a patch of blood on the sheets! Mother Nature had paid you an unexpected visit during the night. Mortifying!
  5. Feeling sick just when things are getting going. This is really awkward as you cannot enjoy what is happening if there is a possibility of puking all over your partner! They won’t appreciate it either.
  6. You have got a bit of unexpected child-free time that you decide to take advantage of during the day. You have a bit of ‘afternoon delight’ with your partner, and as you are lying together in the afterglow, you can hear sounds of kids playing outside. You realise that all the bedroom windows are open and that half the street probably heard what you have been up to. Cringe!
  7. Whilst showing off your agility and flexibility getting into all sorts of interesting positions, you are attacked by CRAMP. It’s no good, you twist this way and that way trying to alleviate it, then end up leaping up and hopping about yowling in pain as it won’t go away! Passion is killed!

33 thoughts on “Episode 479: Tuesday Tidbit. Seven Embarrassing Sexual Fails! (18+)

  1. Chin burns, yes, but what about that unexpected love bite on the neck or, dare I say, carpet burns? I remember being told that rubbing toothpaste into a love bite would get rid of it, but all it seemed to do for me was to make people want to smell my neck and say ‘how fresh I was smelling’ and to wink at me. The other embarrassing situation is when a certain item used during the act refuses to flush down the toilet.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha Ha The old toothpaste on the lovebite trick didn’t work for me either, neither did trying to cover it with make-up! As for carpet burns, they are none to pleasant either! The stubborn refusal of a certain item to flush down the loo luckily didn’t happen to me as I passed that little job over to the other person!! 🙂

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  2. Bahaha!! This was brilliant! What about a hungry cat jumps on your back in an effort to get some attention and then you can’t carry on because you’re laughing so much… Not that i would know anything about that? 😉

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  3. Lol cheeky! Never mind friction burns on your chin, what if you need to go into work with one on the centre of your forehead… or when you get a dose of the hiccups…um it’s soooo long ago, I can’t remember the other passion killer moments.

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  4. Number 2… oh well! I always say that when it turns out in “work” just leave it… nothing worse than when he tries and tries harder, and harder and nothing popps up… You think no problem, you give it a try and stimulate him. Works well until his action is required. Frustrating. So better enjoy a good movie.

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  5. Reblogged this on Barrow Blogs: and commented:
    Oh, I remember those days!! (couldn’t resist that!) Husband would be mortified if he read what I’ve just written – but I always tell him our sex life is nothing to do with anyone else (I don’t like to boast after forty five years together it’s still ,,,) It’s much the same when I write (not too explicit but still there) sex scenes in my books. When friends ask me how I can write them (they add so well! – but don’t want to boast about my writing here – ahem!!) I tell them I have a good memory. Exit one cross Hubby. haha. Love the post by the way


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