I’m not very good at this sexting
Just not cut out for it at all
For a start I write everything longhand
It would be quicker just to give me a call!
When asked “what are you wearing?”
I reply, “How kind of you to ask”
Just my scruffy old leggings
Instead of a sexy black basque.
I know I need to talk dirty
To get my man in the mood
But my parents’ strict upbringing
Has taught me those words are too rude!
The texts I’m receiving get hotter
Oh Christ, think of something to say
“Yes. I’m massaging my boobs as you asked me
And by the way, how is your day?”
Oh, that’s it. I’m rubbish at this game
I think I just might push my luck
And cut straight to the action
And ask if he fancies a …
Nope! Still can’t do it!