Episode 223: All Aboard for A Number 2!!!

I am all for new ideas, especially ones that put recycling to good use. We are all used to seeing new things made up of recycled materials, and it is a wonderful way forward.

Given my obsession with poo (I have lost count of the number of times in a day I ask patients “HAVE YOU HAD YOUR BOWELS OPEN TODAY?” (The loud voice is because most of them are hard of hearing and I have to yell it at full blast to make them hear me. Often I still get the blank look, so resort to the “HAVE YOU HAD A POO TODAY?” question to which I always get an answer!

Anyway, I love a bit of toilet humour as well so the following news article was right up my street! Apparently there has been a new bus commissioned in the south-west of England (appropriately on the Number 2 route), that is fuelled by bio methane gas, which is made up of raw sewage and inedible foodstuffs.

This bus will travel on its 15 mile route, with its capacity for 40 passengers. (Presumably it has a loo on board, which is not only perfect if someone gets caught short, but can also be used at a future date to fuel the bus.)

Thirty-two thousand households have contributed to keeping this bus going and the bus company are delighted with their eco-friendly new bus. (I am not sure if there would be any trouble with ’emissions’ though)!

If this takes off then I am sure they will be rolling them out for the rest of the country. Isn’t it amazing what you can do with a pile of poo?!

Episode 221: Happy Birthday To Poo!

What’s the best part of a birthday for you? The presents, celebrating with loved ones, or the good old birthday cake? Usually the cake is the star of the show. The lights are dimmed, as someone carries the cake proudly into the room, placing it in front of the Birthday Boy/Girl ready for them to blow out the candles and make a wish!

A lot of the time, the cake has been especially made. We have all seen the wonderful creations that are stunningly realistic of all manner of things; portraits of people, or perhaps buildings, objects, characters, flowers, all sorts of things.

Some people, however, take things a little bit too far in their birthday cake tributes. How would you fancy eating a cake that looked like someone had just vomited on it? Perhaps a loo seat containing a cakey turd, and rather disturbing fly? Not your thing? I know, most of us like animals, what about a ‘cat litter’ cake? A tray containing an assortment of poos (including one squashed  down the side of the tray). Realistic? Very, but not very appetising.

There was a rather lovely cake shaped like a foot, complete with warts, (or is it verrucae)? and a fungal nail infection in the big toe! Charming, I’m sure. (I am curious to know whether or not it was a ‘cheese’ cake)!

Anyway, as much as I admire artistic and creative cakes (my sister is brilliant at making cakes), I’ll give the  bodily fluids ones (yes there were others I was not brave enough to mention) a miss and stick to plain old traditional ones!

Episode 171: Ode To Nurses

This poem is for all the nurses, nursing assistants and carers. A typical day for us!

Your day starts very early

Before you are awake

There are patients who need washing

And lots of beds to make

The buzzers are all going

There really is no rest

Someone wants the toilet

“Sorry to be a pest!”

Some bloods need to be taken

Dressings to be changed

That patient’s going home soon

And no transport has been arranged!

“Someone’s had an accident

Go and change the bed”

Another one has had a fall

And now he’s banged his head

“Where’s the bloody doctor?”

The relatives want a word

Your smile becomes a grimace

As you’ve just skidded on a turd!

You quickly get it cleaned up

But it won’t come off your shoe

The time is going quickly

But there’s still so much to do!

You finally write your notes up

And hope you did ok

Then home to get some shut –eye

To face another day!

Episode 159: Superstitious or Sceptical?

Tomorrow being Friday 13th will mean that the superstitious among us  will feel a little uneasy as it is supposed to be very unlucky, particularly in western culture. It is taken so seriously that some people will refuse to get married, travel (particularly by air) or even go to work. Although it has not been proven that Friday 13th is worse than any other day, the fact that it is a ‘double-whammy’ due to both Friday and the number 13 being seen as unlucky some people just want to hide themselves away and not take any chances..

Perhaps they might feel better if a bird pooped on them or their car! After all, this is supposed to bring good luck. It’s even better if you could get a flock of birds to poop on you all at once. Apparently the more poo, the more riches you will receive. Mind you, it takes forever to get off the car,and is dreadful on the paint work. Getting poo on your person is not very pleasant either, especially if it lands on your head and drips down your face!

Now if you had an umbrella, you might have been spared the poo in the hair thing, but under no circumstances should you open it indoors. If you do that, then you are asking for bad luck, or storms to ‘rain’ down on you. Nobody wants that. Personally, I would be more concerned with having someone’s eye out if I opened my brolly indoors, knowing how clumsy I am.

Speaking of which, what about seven years bad luck for breaking a mirror, That’s a bit harsh isn’t it?! It’s those Romans who are to blame for  scaremongering on this one. Apparently it has something to do with a mirror reflecting your soul so if you break it your soul will be damaged hence the bad luck. It was also believed that the soul only renewed itself every seven years. Practically speaking m you should be more worried about all that sharp glass scattered about that could give you a nasty cut!

Similarly, walking under a ladder might get you brained with a pot of paint, or a bucket! However, that is not the original reason the superstition arose. Apparently it was because the ladder points (on a double ladder) forms a trinity, as does a single ladder leaned up against a wall. Christians believed that if you walked through this trinity then you were in cahoots with the Devil, and might even be a witch!

That bring us to my last example, having a black cat walk past. Here in Britain, and in Japan, it is considered good luck to have a black cat cross your path whereas in other countries is it considered bad luck!

Happy Friday 13th everyone!